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| STRIP TIPS! (FOR GUYS ONLY) |
| 03.23.04 (9:47 pm) [edit] |
|
The foolish statement is the unstated one. (unknown) Here're some tips taken from Hotmail. How to Be Romantic 1. Try to at least shout, "Hey you're real pretty!" during your charge across the room to spear your girlfriend, you glad gladiator you. 2. Upgrade from ancient denim cut-offs to hemmed khaki shorts for a truly special occasion. 3. Put special days, like Christmas for example, onto your calendar at least a week early, so you'll be sure to remember a present. 4. Write a poem. Then go beat someone up. Both of these things are equally romantic. Working in harmony, they have an exponential effect. 5. Remember where her eyes are. (They're up above her nose and below her hairline.) Try to look in them every day at least once. How to Cure Yourself of the Love that Can't Be 1. Buy yourself as many hookers as it takes to relieve your sexual frustration. Hookers like to help. Don't deny them the opportunity. 2. Tell your forbidden love long stories about your childhood at every opportunity. If possible, include the graphic death of pets. Dead pets are an instant cure for flirting. 3. It's easier to make her stop liking you than it is for you to stop liking her, so go ahead and wear those polyester waffle pants -- a lot. 4. Remind yourself of all the noble couples throughout history who couldn't consummate their love. Tristan and Isolde, Romeo and Juliet, Rocky and Bullwinkle... 5. Set your radio dial to Lite FM for a solid week. Eventually you won't be able to tell your mother you love her without puking on her shoes. Be Strong Tips for dealing with crabby, overbearing females 1. Declarations of love are a free, legal and fast way to make a girl cry. 2. Figure out exactly how to give her a shattering orgasm, and do it often. A sexually satisfied woman is a quiet woman. 3. Don't act happy if you're not. Smiling through the pain will only encourage her to set her phaser on kill. 4. Threaten to tell her mother. Crabby, overbearing females breed crabby, overbearing females, and the older ones are meaner. 5. There are plenty of women out there who won't stick you with poisoned daggers just to see what shade of green you'll turn. Find one. Battling Her Insecurities 1. Flattery is more convincing when repeated and combined with inept physical advances. 2. When you're with a group of friends, remember your girlfriend is not a drink holder. And work some eye contact. 3. Lies can be beautiful, not to mention useful. 4. Never discuss fat! Only discuss ethereal beauty! 5. When all seems lost, remember your trusted friends: candy, flowers and extended oral sex. |
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