Dear God,

If everything has been given right in my very eyes,

my next question would be...

what's the catch?

…and all this time we might read a wrong book.

Have you ever had someone who you closed with, cheated on you? Sneak behind your back while you’re unconsciously alienated. Well, shit happens all the time man.. The problem is how are we going to deal with the situation? What caused the shit? Is it the food or the stupid digestion mechanism of yours? And how will you react to that?

For many years, husband cheated on their wife, wife cheated with their gardener, gardener cheated with the servant, the servant cheated on her boyfriend, boyfriend cheated on their girlfriend who cheated with their boss, and on… and on… and on. This everlasting circle of fools has quite similar ending… it’s either separate or hang on till God knows when.

It’s all about trust, really. When this victim of so called love got betrayed by their love one, they lose their trust. What sad was, the cause of the betrayal is not always a big deal. The husband snored so often lately, the wife never cooked, the boyfriend didn’t really know what to do with their future, while the girlfriend didn’t know what to do with their nails. Boredom, maybe the father of all shit, the how they wanted to feel something different, new than what he/she used to have. Boredom changes one’s perspective.

But to me, for whatever the reason, we shouldn’t give it up. There is always a way to fix things up… and hooking up with someone else while we’re still on a commitment is never a good answer. It’s like washing your shit with other shit. Just when you think you’ve got them all cleaned; you’ve ended up by making it even worst. Smelly, dirty, stinky you name it. Y'all people.. people... people what’s on your mind?

So, are you ready to hear the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

You are?

Well... nice try. Cewe kadang sulit bener di tebak, waktu saya bilang pengen beli motor, dia bilang hayo mau cari goncengan ya? Dibilang mau jalan-jalan ke Mall, dia bilang mau ngecengin ABG ya? Dibilang mau liburan, dia bilang udah janjian ama cewe lain ya? Dibilang mau makan di basement, dia bilang janjian lunch ama temen kantor yang cewe-cewe ya? Dibilang lembur di kantor, dia bilang hayo ngelempengin burung ya, burung siapa? (?) Dibilang mau di rumah aja, dia bilang pasti nungguin telpon selingkuhan? Dibilang nganterin nyokap ke airport, dia bilang nyokap apa nyokap? Dibilang lagi pengen makan siomay, dia bilang ada yang lagi ngidam ya?

That's why.

I'd rather lie hehehe...

How do you know you're ready for another 10-K? How are your feet? Is it still hurt from your last time? How do you know you're going to make a right decision, since the last time you thought was right ended up wrong? How do you know you should fight now? How's your fist going? Have you get rid off any band aid sticked in your hand? Wil it hurt you instead of your opposite? [sigh]

Right now, i think im gonna lay low for a bit. close my eyes. feel the air flow gently thru my hair. let everything going as is. not putting so much of myself into any short of hope. i know what im gonna do... hold tight, feel the air, goes in to my lung, out... in... out... feel it... feel... it.

"you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling." says Morrie. Taken from Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom

End of 2003.

It was first a poem…
written to a best friend…
meant for everyone around.

It went like this...

“If a drop of blood represent how I feel for you…

 .......................................

I’m bleeding”

–adjie-

...and bleedingwords created ever since.

semua terhapus
begitu juga jejak kaki
pada pasir pantai
malam itu...

 
Happy Ied Fitri,
Anyer, 27 Oktober 2006